Obama: devil spawn of Affirmative Action and The Peter Principle
Romney: devil spawn of George W. Bush and Barack Obama
Gary Johnson: devil spawn of every Libertarian candidate in recent memory and a miniature Republican
Jill Stein: devil spawn of Al Gore and a California condor
Virgil Goode: devil spawn of every “major” party
Rocky Anderson: devil spawn of a busybody and a nanny
My candidate? If you insist. I nominate Simon Jester. (You could look it up.)